Understanding Betterment Burnout
What is betterment burnout?
Excessive focus on self-improvement and personal development at the cost of truly meaningful goals and self-care, leads to physical and mental exhaustion in the long run.
Betterment burnout is a consequence of setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and relentless striving towards higher goals that can never be reached, as the goal post keeps rising. The person is driven by harsh inner critic that undermines essential self-acceptance and compassion.
Reasons for women to get more affected
Though betterment burnout is not exclusive to any gender, there are socio-cultural factors that can contribute to women being more susceptible to this phenomenon.
Women feel pressurised to meet internalised and external social expectations arising from traditional gender roles. Women find themselves striving to excel in multiple domains such as career, family, social presence and personal development.
Women primarily take up care giving responsibilities and domestic duties. This results in double burden among women trying to balance profession and home, leaving very less time for rest and rejuvenation.
Do you think too much self-care is bad for us? How can we draw a line?
Self-care is never too much as it is about taking deliberate steps to prioritise and care for oneself and maintaining a healthy balance in various aspects of life.
However, when seen as an immediate strategy to get away from reality and responsibilities, these self-fixing attempts can be unhealthy and maladaptive. The person gets entangled in a loop of avoidance and isolation in the long run. Drawing a line involves self-reflection and flexibility to set realistic goals, being assertive and establishing healthy sustainable relationships and routines.
How can women prioritise self-acceptance over self-improvement? How to find a delicate balance between the two?
Self-acceptance and self-improvement need not be viewed as antithesis to each other. Rather, understanding self-improvement as a behaviour that facilitates and complements an individual who has self-acceptance and clarity about one's life values and goals.
Such a person would be doing activities aligned to one's core values. This would result in self-improvement without frustration or draining of energy.
5. Do you think self-care apps, self-care routines and books are making the betterment burnout worse? How to tackle it
Mindless consumption of self-care apps and self-care routines can only lead to feeding into the ‘not good enough’ trap in the long run. Self-care is not a one-size-fits all. Certain inputs available through such apps and self-help books may not be suitable for you as a person in your specific context. Allow one's self-understanding and realistic meaningful goals, to guide what change you want to make in your life. And then select strategies that work for you.
6. Example
26-year-old woman pursuing a career in law, found herself stress-eating, procrastinating, feeling drained of energy and having insomnia. She sought therapy when she found she was going blank during court proceedings, which she used to handle with ease earlier. On assessment, it was evident that she was self-critical and cruel to herself to the extent her mind now seemed to be working against rather than for her. Psychotherapy involved working towards better self-acceptance and appreciation of present, viewing life as an opportunity to explore rather than a race for success.
