Arun had heaps of chapters to complete studying before the exams. Yet he found himself wasting time binge watching series for hours together! He was distracted, lost in the fictional world of series and disconnected from his own reality and duties. This made him avoid something he had difficulty facing. It could be the discomfort of studying itself, or the fear and anxiety seeing how much he has to study or unpleasant thoughts of failure. There was also the guilt that was building up within him about having whiled away precious time until then. But right now, binge watching series seemed to be the most comfortable thing to do for him. And eventually Arun may decide to skip the exams itself, and may be dropout of his degree too.
The other day, Ria had to meet her supervisor about the project she was working on. But she was not sure it was good enough. She had scary images of her supervisor getting disappointed and criticising her. She sent a message that she was not well today and postponed the meeting. This is another example of avoidance and escape from uncomfortable bodily reactions like palpitations, hands going cold, butterflies in the tummy; unpleasant feelings like fear and anxiety; and thoughts like, “I am going to disappoint my supervisor” and “He is going to criticise me”.
Short term gain can turn into long-term pain! Avoidance behaviours become stronger over time keeping us stuck in a life where most experiences start to seem difficult and threatening. In addition, escape behaviours steal us the opportunity to face the situation and disconfirm our baseless fears or realise that things are not as bad as we feared!
Ria could quickly pick up her mobile to fix an appointment with her supervisor, before her mind pulls her into a scary imagination of ‘meeting with a disappointed, criticising supervisor’. Or for instance, next time you think of switching off the TV and taking the long-awaited bath, be up on your feet to act, before your mind can give you all the reasons why you should keep on watching TV, and the bath can wait! The trick is to use your feet, hands and body more than your mind when it is about doing what is essential and necessary.
